The S&M Rants

Making it on one job is next to impossible. That's why it's difficult to blame these guys for doing double (and triple-duty) - although they might have chosen their second job better.  This week, we have a man who spread the word of God, the ladies legs, and killed one of his parishioners. But is he more or less of a FT than a former murder, now a politician and cheesemaker, who posts an ad trying to have some people eaten?  

It's a mind-boggling choice - and that's why we're thrilled to have Sam Tripoli (of The Naughty Show) to help us crown the "FT of the Week".

Plus: Spam waxes poetic.

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---Information and Links ---

• Find Sam Tripoli at Samtripoli.com on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/samtripoli) and on Twitter (@SamTripoli)
• "The Naughty Show" (Deathsquad.tv/?cat=22) is also Twitter (@NaughtyShow) and Facebook 
• "Punch Drunk" can be found at: Toadhopnetwork.com/f/Punch

Other Joy

• Stories: Pastor Love and Kill and Cheesy Murdering Politician 
• Outro Music: The Clemence Mosley Consort ("Crooked House") From the album “MacGuffin”  (iTunes)  - Thank you! 
• Another violent FT named Love was featured on: Episode 36 - "Those 10 Minutes of Freedom Were Pleasant But I'm Ready to Go Back" with Matt Koff.  
• Last week, we had two guys who required more training on the basics of criminal escapades... Episode 51 - "Call The Cops on Yourself or Arrange a Trade with Your Victims" - with Chris Gore.

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SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: ever positive rating for us - is a vote for freedom and judgement.)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FT action! We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US: 

Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our (coming eventually) newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg for additional weirdness!    

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  

(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Two more rules (for our Continuing Ed course on "Crime 101"): Don't call the cops on yourself, and assume that your victims won't be enthused about making a trade with you...

If this information surprises you - you may just be a FT!

Our Guest Judge this week is Comedian Chris Gore (of PodCRASH and many other things) and we could not be more relieved to have him sort out the FTedness for our "FT of the Week"!

Plus: a "straight", quick erotic story.  

And, after the outro, we have a fun ringtone for you...

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---Information and Links ---

• Find Chris Gore at ChrisGore.com, on Facebook (personal: Facebook.com/ThatChrisGore, page: http://www.facebook.com/ILikeChrisGore), and on Twitter (@ThatChrisGore) 
• Chris' podcast is PodCRASH! 
• His new stop-motion animated comedy series (about dolls who work at a dungeon) is FetishVIL (FetishVil.com/) (Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/FetishVIL, Twitter: (@FetishVIL) 

Other Joy

• Stories: Fire call and Trade 
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme (“Harlequin”). 
• The ringtone music (after outro) uses this sound from Freesound.org: "Dance Synth" by usinggarageband (Freesound.org/people/usinggarageband)  (Find the tone on our "Ringtone" page)
• Wondering what our intro - and the ringtone music is all about?  You'll find out on last week's (special and longer) episode: "Episode 50 - Such Photographic FTs" with Derek Sheen. 
• We featured a story about a man trying to get his gun back from his victims on Episode 44 - Buy Back Your Gun From Your Victims or Withdraw Money from the Bank You Just Tried to Rob? 

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SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: ever positive rating for us - is a vote for freedom and judgement.)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FT action! We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US: 

Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our (coming eventually) newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg for additional weirdness!    

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  

(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Planning a crime is challenging - and sometimes it's the small details that trip you up. Or the huge, really glaring details...

This time around we have FTed criminals caught by special photos... 

Comedian Derek Sheen is this week's Guest Judge and we're so grateful he's able to decide our "FT of the Week"!

And, since it's our 50th episode we've made it longer (and harder) with: a wonderful voicemail, a licky cop and learning to whisper to a woman's intimate parts. Plus: another awesome song from "The Weekend Pilots" (TheWeekendPilots.com)!

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---Information and Links ---

Guest 

• Find Derek Sheen at  DerekTime.com, contribute to his Kickstarter Campaign to fund his new album "Holy Drivel" , on Facebook (Facebook.com/dereksheen), and on Twitter (@DerekSheen) 
• The Weekend Pilots are at ( TheWeekendPilots.com) and on Twitter (@weekendpilots) and Facebook (Facebook.com/theweekendpilots ).  Download their self-titled album for free from their site.   

Other Joy

• Stories: Fake stroke, steal car and Framed photo  
• And: licky cop
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme (“Chee Zee Jungle”). 
• Last week we featured some uber-ambitious FTs: on Episode 49 - "Choke, Rattle and Roll" with Caleb Bacon 

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SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: ever positive rating for us - is a vote for freedom and judgement.)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FT action! We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US: 

Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our (coming eventually) newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg for additional weirdness!    

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  

(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Hey, work can be dull sometimes.

So why not make your day that much jazzier by conducting job interviews naked  or pulling people over for traffic violations and then showing them pics of your bits?

Add some nudity and unwanted sexual advances to your workday and you've done turned lemons into FTade!

We're fortunate that Cort and Fatboy are able to Guest Judge and provide the "FT of the Week" verdict.

Plus: A cheery, balanced gal on Twitter.

---Information and Links ---

Guest 

• "Cort and Fatboy"'s site is cortandfatboy.com and they're on Twitter @cortandfatboy)   
• Find Cort Webber on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/cort2) and on Twitter (@cortwebber)
• Find Bobby "Fatboy" Roberts on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/FatboyRoberts)  and on Twitter (@fatboyroberts) 

Other Joy

• Stories: Cop, Cafe Boss  
• Outro Music: The Clemence Mosley Consort ("Crooked House") From the album “MacGuffin”  (iTunes)  - Thank you! 
• Shout outs to: @fart who found that gem of a Twitter account, Eli Braden (@elibraden), who mentioned @fart when he spoke with Caleb Bacon (@calebeatsbacon on the Gentlemen's Club (that episode here). (And Eli Braden's episode on our show was #42 - "When You Friend an FT, You Friend for Life.) 
• The Panty Survey song (by The Weekend Pilots) that we refer to can be heard here and on our Episode  43  - You Stole My Heart, I Stole Your Phone with Joe Klocek - an episode which also features some classic pick-up attempts.
• And there's also some more random nudity news in our last show - Episode 47 "Dress for Success" with Brendan Bradley.  
  • SUBSCRIBE!
  • Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: if you don't review us well - the FTs win!.)
  • (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
  • We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

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GET MORE FT action! We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg for additional weirdness!    

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  

(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Forget all you've learnt about financial acquisition! Eschew investing in property! 

The key to wealth (or at least a few thousand bucks) is to pursue a woman and then, eventually, take her stuff.  

Sure, it takes some effort but a FT has no shortage of energy.  Just logic.  

Comedian Douglas Gale joins to provide his verdict on the "FT of the Week".

Plus: we learn about moons, growing...and... brides.

---Links and Info:---

Guests 

• Find Douglas Gale: Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/hyphen.dot), Twitter (@DouglasWFail) (& Etsy (ShowerArt.net)  

• Stories: Rob her house, Take her car   
• Moons, Growing, Brides   
• Outro Music: The Clemence Mosley Consort, From the album “MacGuffin”  (iTunes)
• And the Delicious Mediocrity show with Monica is Episode 84.   
• Want to learn some fascinating alibis? Check out Episode 45 - "The Best Defense is a Good... Lie About Yogurt or Ghosts" with Chris Laker.

• SUBSCRIBE!
• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: a positive review for us will mean you'll be safe from any potential FT invasion!  Well, we can't promise - but we'll try to help.)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FTs! We post more weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll above)  
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Robbery can be challenging. Firstly, there's all the planning that goes into it. And then, when things go wrong you have to have a back-up plan. Or else you must be able to think on the spot... 

And, of course, when you're an FT thinking might not be your strongest skill...   And you might decide to try to buy back your weapon from your intended victims or withdraw money from the bank you tried to rob just moments ago.  

Fortunately, comedian Dave Ross is able to give us some insight on these special guys and award the "FT of the Week".

Plus, we have a bouncy little ditty about being murdered!    

• Dave Ross info: He's @davetotheross on Twitter and he's also on Facebook. (http://www.facebook.com/davetotheross)
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme ( “VegasGlitz”).
• Want to know when's the best time to hit on a gal: before or after you rob her? Find out in Episode 43 - "You Stole My Heart, I Stole Your Phone" with Joe Klocek.    
  

• SUBSCRIBE!
• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: e a positive review for us will mean you'll be fully protected from rabid vaginas when they inevitably attack!)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FTs! We post more weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll above)  
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

When's a good time to hit on a gal: before or after you rob her?

Think neither sounds promising? Then you are not following the FT's Way!  When you're an FT anything goes!

We're grateful to have comedian Joe Klocek as our Guest Judge to determine our most recent "FT of the Week".

Plus, we have a testimonial about some hot, fictional sex. 

And, after the outro, a song ("Panty Survey") from The Weekend Pilots!   

• Joe Klocek info: He's on @standupjoe on Twitter as well as on Facebook. (http://www.facebook.com/standupjoe).
• The Weekend Pilots - Twitter and Facebook.  Download their self-titled album for free from their site.  
• Want to learn some more great romance techniques? Check out Episode 40 - "FT Valentine. Deranged, Psycho Valentine" with the guys from Ear Candy (Adam Hiniker and Vance Barber).   

• SUBSCRIBE!
• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: e a positive review for us will mean you'll be fully protected from rabid vaginas when they inevitably attack!)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FTs! We post more weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll above)  
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.)

How do you right a wrong?! How will you avenge an insult as strong, as brutal, as soul-destroying as... a Facebook Unfriending?

Why, murder or arson, of course!
That is, if you're an FT.

Some baffling idiocy on display here so we are most grateful to have Eli Braden as our Guest Judge to determine our "FT of the Week".

Plus we learn how to enlarge our breasts...  

And (after the outro) Eli's song: "White People Problems". 

• Eli Braden info: He's on @elibraden on Twitter and on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/elibraden) and his album: "The New King of Comedy-Based Music" is available on iTunes   
• There's more Facebook related idiocy on Episode 25 "Facebook, FTs, Faceplant" - where we learn of what happens when you don't like your husband's status or when you try to friend your victim - with the Greg Vance and Ryan Downing from "Stupid Wankers". 

• SUBSCRIBE!
• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: e a positive review for us will mean you'll be fully protected from rabid vaginas when they inevitably attack!)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FTs! We post more weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll above)  
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.)

Update: Originally the feed picked up only the *ringtone* for this episode - it should have the full episode (33 minutes+) there now.

--Show Description:--

How shall you win your love back?  What plan will get her back in your arms forever? You can't say you've tried everything unless you've burned down her brother's property or staged beng kidnapped by a gang!

Tip: in the world of FTs you are awarded bonus points for originality and drama! 

We're excited to have Adam Hiniker and Vance Barber from the Ear Candy podcast as our Guest Judges for this episode, to analyse these specimens and determine our "FT of the Week".

Plus: A man fails his exam because of a cat. (Who hasn't been there...) 

And we have your new ringtone...  

• Follow Ear Candy  on Twitter (@earcandynewyork) and Facebook.  (Vance Barber's also on Twitter as @vancejbarber)
• There's more bad romance on Episode 29 "Better Relationships Through Arrests and the KKK!" with Alex Falcone and Ezra Fox of "Read it and Weep". 

• SUBSCRIBE!
• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: every positive review you give us makes us bolder and more powerful!)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  

We're on Stitcher Now: 

http://stitcher.com/listen.php?fid=19756 
So you can now listen anyway you darn well please! :)

GET MORE FTs! On:
Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". 
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.)

Once again, we have some ethical dilemmas...

If you run over someone with your car what's the protocol? Get out and help him or provide some religious insight? And if someone's advances are making you consistently uncomfortable should you report him to the police or murder him and go gambling with the body in the trunk?

Remember: you never choose the obvious when you go full FT.

We're thankful that Pat and Rob from the comedy podcast, "Somebody and Me" are here as our Guest Judges to provide some insight and decide the "FT of the Week".

Plus: We envision a fake doctor call. 

• Follow Somebody and Me  on Twitter (@SomebodyFunny) and on Facebook   
• Was this your first time listening to "The S&M Rants"? You might want to try Episode 35 next. 
• There are more odd dillemas way back on Episode 20 with Sara Bynoe " 20 ("Hang Out With A Dead Body, Hide Your Pron, The Fake Hitman Cometh!" with Sara Bynoe). 

• SUBSCRIBE!
• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: you are special. And we love you!)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  

We're on Stitcher Now: 

http://stitcher.com/listen.php?fid=19756 
So you can now listen anyway you darn well please! :)

GET MORE FTs! On:
Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". 
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.)