The S&M Rants

Things that might push you over the edge: Getting fired, your partner breaking up with you, a cat urinating on your computer, arguing about how much sex you have.  Wait, what were those last two?  

This week's FTs are a baffling bunch - and the extra weirdness in the articles doesn't help things any... 

So we are most grateful to Comedian Matt Davis who lends us his wit and brilliance to decide our "FT of the Week".

Plus: Spasmodic film descriptions. 

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---Information and Links ---

• Find Matt Davis at DavisComedy.com, on Facebook (Facebook.com/ComedianMattDavis) and on Twitter (@mattdavis) 
• My "bad girl" comment refers to Matt's very amusing post: "Yes, I like bad girls, Facebook. Now stop it."    

Other Joy

• Stories: violence incited by Cat Pee and Sex Talk (should the cat pee link not work here are the exceptional pics.)
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme (“Bicycle”).  He has lots of cool royalty-free music, so check it out. 
• Wonder about other FTed things that inspired violent acts...? You'll learn just how dangerous a Facebook unfriending can be on Episode 42 - "When you Friend an FT, You Friend for Life"" with Eli Braden.
• Last week, we featured... well the title sums up the prime FTery on display: "Episode 52 A Loving Pastor and Killer vs. A Cheesemaking Murderer and Politician!" - with Sam Tripoli.
• And Derek Sheen's Kickstarter project is at: http://kck.st/dereksheen.  Actually, less than 5 days to go! Make a pledge!  (Derek's episode with us is #50, btw.)

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SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: ever positive rating for us - is a vote for freedom and judgement.)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FT action! We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US: 

Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our (coming eventually) newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg for additional weirdness!    

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  

(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Planning a crime is challenging - and sometimes it's the small details that trip you up. Or the huge, really glaring details...

This time around we have FTed criminals caught by special photos... 

Comedian Derek Sheen is this week's Guest Judge and we're so grateful he's able to decide our "FT of the Week"!

And, since it's our 50th episode we've made it longer (and harder) with: a wonderful voicemail, a licky cop and learning to whisper to a woman's intimate parts. Plus: another awesome song from "The Weekend Pilots" (TheWeekendPilots.com)!

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---Information and Links ---

Guest 

• Find Derek Sheen at  DerekTime.com, contribute to his Kickstarter Campaign to fund his new album "Holy Drivel" , on Facebook (Facebook.com/dereksheen), and on Twitter (@DerekSheen) 
• The Weekend Pilots are at ( TheWeekendPilots.com) and on Twitter (@weekendpilots) and Facebook (Facebook.com/theweekendpilots ).  Download their self-titled album for free from their site.   

Other Joy

• Stories: Fake stroke, steal car and Framed photo  
• And: licky cop
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme (“Chee Zee Jungle”). 
• Last week we featured some uber-ambitious FTs: on Episode 49 - "Choke, Rattle and Roll" with Caleb Bacon 

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SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: ever positive rating for us - is a vote for freedom and judgement.)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FT action! We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US: 

Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our (coming eventually) newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg for additional weirdness!    

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  

(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

How do you right a wrong?! How will you avenge an insult as strong, as brutal, as soul-destroying as... a Facebook Unfriending?

Why, murder or arson, of course!
That is, if you're an FT.

Some baffling idiocy on display here so we are most grateful to have Eli Braden as our Guest Judge to determine our "FT of the Week".

Plus we learn how to enlarge our breasts...  

And (after the outro) Eli's song: "White People Problems". 

• Eli Braden info: He's on @elibraden on Twitter and on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/elibraden) and his album: "The New King of Comedy-Based Music" is available on iTunes   
• There's more Facebook related idiocy on Episode 25 "Facebook, FTs, Faceplant" - where we learn of what happens when you don't like your husband's status or when you try to friend your victim - with the Greg Vance and Ryan Downing from "Stupid Wankers". 

• SUBSCRIBE!
• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: e a positive review for us will mean you'll be fully protected from rabid vaginas when they inevitably attack!)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FTs! We post more weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll above)  
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.)

(Note: Another unusual episode.  We usually have a Guest Judge deciding on our weirdos.  So, if you're listening for the first time, try starting with Episode 34, 29 or 35.)

Knife people for not wanting to see your boobs or get your elementary students to make cards for your jailbird boyfriend?  Sure, no one's killed or kidnapped or set fire to anything this time, but our contenders are still complete FTs nonetheless. 

Not the standard show today as our intended guest got sick and we must bear the burden of deciding the "FT of the week" ourselves.  

Plus:

• An Aussie man improvs a lady-focussed "erotic" fantasy
• (After our outro:) A man pleads for sex.  But not in the conventional way.  
• And draw your own perverted conclusions re: the new StumbleUpon logo. 

• Monica was on Delicious Mediocrity recently.  Listen to the episode here.
• Want balance? There are men doing stupid stuff in our last episode "My FT Valentine. Deranged, Psycho Valentine" with the guys from Ear Candy (Adam Hiniker and Vance Barber).   

• SUBSCRIBE!
• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: every positive review you give us makes us bolder and more powerful!)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  

We're on Stitcher Now: 

http://stitcher.com/listen.php?fid=19756 
So you can now listen anyway you darn well please! :)

GET MORE FTs! On:
Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". 
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.)

Women! They're so difficult to understand!  How can one possibly gage what seduction technique will work on them?  That's why it's important to confuse the ladies by having a completely unique approach.  This week's FTs redefine original.  One gives gals the choice of magazines or sex while another dresses in women's maternity gear to woo.  Foolproof!   

Monica desperately needs help to determine our "FT of Week" and so her mom returns to judge the FTness. 

And: we have some sexual hypnosis for you...   _____________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

• Related creeps you might like:  A man who went door-to-door checking breasts (Episode 27 - "Doctor Fondler and the Facebook Oral Prankster!" with Jackie Gold)) and a guy who tried to seduce kids - in his own apartment building (Episode 24 -"Get Oiled, Get Licked, Get Arrested, Get Shot Up the A!" with Brian Brushwood)    
• And we refer to our Eastern European porn proposal which is in Episode 34 "What's the answer? Get Naked! What's the question? Who cares!" 

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MORE INSANITY:
Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

Did you know that showing your goods to someone else can improve your life?  What would you say if I told you that touching yourself would improve your vocal range?  Or that using sex toys in front of your doctor would help you feel better about your body? Would you say, "That sounds reasonable"?  Sure you would.

Trying to figure out the biggest FT of these is taking way too much out of us.  So we turn our Guest Judge, the great Glen Tickle of "Pretending to be on TV" who helps us determine our "FT of the Week". 

And: Monica reads a subtle, realistic script...
 

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• Watch Glen's show PretendingtoBeonTV.com which seems to not be on television.  Follow Glen on Twitter (@glentickle) and his show on Facebook. 
• Please vote for your choice for "FT of the Week" (Use the poll, comment, twitter us, Facebook us, email us etc.  Links below.)
   
• And if you're wondering where to find the "house-call doctor" we refer to in this episode, that's in #27 "Doctor Fondler and the Facebook Oral Prankster!". 

So you killed someone with your car or are shacked up with a 13 year old...  You need to keep this secret in the bag.  But sometimes circumstances just don't allow for that.  Especially when you're an FT.  

Lovely Guest Judge & Comedian Riel Hahn joins us to met out justice this time and help us crown the most recent "FT of the Week".  (Find Riel on Facebook, Twitter and her blog.) 

And: we tell you who you chose as last week's "FT of the Week".  Plus: a very linear blog comment... 

What's the etiquette for a romantic night at the movies? How are you supposed to comport yourself when attending a class about controlling your hostility?  Whose to know?  Not these FTs. It's impossible to figure out who has less impulse control here - but fortunately we have YOU! 

****** VOTE for your "favorite" FT from this episode! (via poll, commenting on this post, Facebook, Twitter, email etc. All contact info below.) Tell us who you think should be our "FT of the Week".  And, if possible, why you think they are deserving of that honor. We'll reveal the winner - and your input - on next week's show (Episode 33).**** 

And we have an invisible man and a painful site that needs support! 

Merry Christmas Y'all.   

Subscribe, please! And rate/review us on iTunes (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here). 

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.  

Twitter: @rantmehard /
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants / 
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  / 
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )/ 
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) / 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

Because nothing brings two people closer than drama, dishonesty and FTedness!   Our esteemed Guest Judge is the fantastic comedian Jay Larson who uses his talent to crown our weekly FT winner.  He is joined by The Lurker... (Find out the identity of The Lurker by clicking here.)

And we learn how to talk dirty to a man from a wannabe Barry White.  

Buy Jay Larson's new album on iTunes or Amazon! 

And vote for your "favorite" FT(s) from this episode! (also below).

So many good options for people you can sue!  How about your kidnap victims for turning you in?  They, like, totally promised they wouldn't!  Or the parents of the suicidal man you happened to run over? They probably have some energy to spare!  It's more suey-suey FTs on this episode of "The S&M Rants".   Who's more deserving of the "FT of the Week" title?  Imagine the pain of our Guest Judges, “AAlgar” and Matt Rowbotham  from "Sarcastic Voyage" as they help us crown the winner...     

Plus: Learn the tell-tale sign that you're going to get robbed by a Craiglist date.  

And: Monica re-records the dollar value of the lawsuit in the first story ("$235,000") as she made no sense whatsoever in the original take and didn't realize it until editing. Yeah, you might just notice this correction.    

Big thanks to Brian Everidge (@pisquar) for sending us the Craigslist story and suggesting our wonderful guests.  Everyone: Be more like Brian! ;)  Email us or Twitter us with weird stuff, guest suggestions and/or feedback (contact details below).

Vote for your "favorite" FT(s) from this episode! (also below) 

Follow @aalgar and @robotmatt on Twitter. 

Subscribe, please! And rate us. Use any podcast service etc. (feed is here)  including  iTunes  - and please tell your inappropriate friends about us. Our site is now:rantmehard.com

Twitter: @rantmehard / Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants / New Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants  / Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  / Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com ) / Shane: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) / Monica: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)