The S&M Rants

Things that might push you over the edge: Getting fired, your partner breaking up with you, a cat urinating on your computer, arguing about how much sex you have.  Wait, what were those last two?  

This week's FTs are a baffling bunch - and the extra weirdness in the articles doesn't help things any... 

So we are most grateful to Comedian Matt Davis who lends us his wit and brilliance to decide our "FT of the Week".

Plus: Spasmodic film descriptions. 

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---Information and Links ---

• Find Matt Davis at DavisComedy.com, on Facebook (Facebook.com/ComedianMattDavis) and on Twitter (@mattdavis) 
• My "bad girl" comment refers to Matt's very amusing post: "Yes, I like bad girls, Facebook. Now stop it."    

Other Joy

• Stories: violence incited by Cat Pee and Sex Talk (should the cat pee link not work here are the exceptional pics.)
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme (“Bicycle”).  He has lots of cool royalty-free music, so check it out. 
• Wonder about other FTed things that inspired violent acts...? You'll learn just how dangerous a Facebook unfriending can be on Episode 42 - "When you Friend an FT, You Friend for Life"" with Eli Braden.
• Last week, we featured... well the title sums up the prime FTery on display: "Episode 52 A Loving Pastor and Killer vs. A Cheesemaking Murderer and Politician!" - with Sam Tripoli.
• And Derek Sheen's Kickstarter project is at: http://kck.st/dereksheen.  Actually, less than 5 days to go! Make a pledge!  (Derek's episode with us is #50, btw.)

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SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: ever positive rating for us - is a vote for freedom and judgement.)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FT action! We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US: 

Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our (coming eventually) newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg for additional weirdness!    

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  

(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Making it on one job is next to impossible. That's why it's difficult to blame these guys for doing double (and triple-duty) - although they might have chosen their second job better.  This week, we have a man who spread the word of God, the ladies legs, and killed one of his parishioners. But is he more or less of a FT than a former murder, now a politician and cheesemaker, who posts an ad trying to have some people eaten?  

It's a mind-boggling choice - and that's why we're thrilled to have Sam Tripoli (of The Naughty Show) to help us crown the "FT of the Week".

Plus: Spam waxes poetic.

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---Information and Links ---

• Find Sam Tripoli at Samtripoli.com on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/samtripoli) and on Twitter (@SamTripoli)
• "The Naughty Show" (Deathsquad.tv/?cat=22) is also Twitter (@NaughtyShow) and Facebook 
• "Punch Drunk" can be found at: Toadhopnetwork.com/f/Punch

Other Joy

• Stories: Pastor Love and Kill and Cheesy Murdering Politician 
• Outro Music: The Clemence Mosley Consort ("Crooked House") From the album “MacGuffin”  (iTunes)  - Thank you! 
• Another violent FT named Love was featured on: Episode 36 - "Those 10 Minutes of Freedom Were Pleasant But I'm Ready to Go Back" with Matt Koff.  
• Last week, we had two guys who required more training on the basics of criminal escapades... Episode 51 - "Call The Cops on Yourself or Arrange a Trade with Your Victims" - with Chris Gore.

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SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: ever positive rating for us - is a vote for freedom and judgement.)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FT action! We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US: 

Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our (coming eventually) newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg for additional weirdness!    

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  

(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Two more rules (for our Continuing Ed course on "Crime 101"): Don't call the cops on yourself, and assume that your victims won't be enthused about making a trade with you...

If this information surprises you - you may just be a FT!

Our Guest Judge this week is Comedian Chris Gore (of PodCRASH and many other things) and we could not be more relieved to have him sort out the FTedness for our "FT of the Week"!

Plus: a "straight", quick erotic story.  

And, after the outro, we have a fun ringtone for you...

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---Information and Links ---

• Find Chris Gore at ChrisGore.com, on Facebook (personal: Facebook.com/ThatChrisGore, page: http://www.facebook.com/ILikeChrisGore), and on Twitter (@ThatChrisGore) 
• Chris' podcast is PodCRASH! 
• His new stop-motion animated comedy series (about dolls who work at a dungeon) is FetishVIL (FetishVil.com/) (Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/FetishVIL, Twitter: (@FetishVIL) 

Other Joy

• Stories: Fire call and Trade 
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme (“Harlequin”). 
• The ringtone music (after outro) uses this sound from Freesound.org: "Dance Synth" by usinggarageband (Freesound.org/people/usinggarageband)  (Find the tone on our "Ringtone" page)
• Wondering what our intro - and the ringtone music is all about?  You'll find out on last week's (special and longer) episode: "Episode 50 - Such Photographic FTs" with Derek Sheen. 
• We featured a story about a man trying to get his gun back from his victims on Episode 44 - Buy Back Your Gun From Your Victims or Withdraw Money from the Bank You Just Tried to Rob? 

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SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: ever positive rating for us - is a vote for freedom and judgement.)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FT action! We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US: 

Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our (coming eventually) newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg for additional weirdness!    

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  

(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Planning a crime is challenging - and sometimes it's the small details that trip you up. Or the huge, really glaring details...

This time around we have FTed criminals caught by special photos... 

Comedian Derek Sheen is this week's Guest Judge and we're so grateful he's able to decide our "FT of the Week"!

And, since it's our 50th episode we've made it longer (and harder) with: a wonderful voicemail, a licky cop and learning to whisper to a woman's intimate parts. Plus: another awesome song from "The Weekend Pilots" (TheWeekendPilots.com)!

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---Information and Links ---

Guest 

• Find Derek Sheen at  DerekTime.com, contribute to his Kickstarter Campaign to fund his new album "Holy Drivel" , on Facebook (Facebook.com/dereksheen), and on Twitter (@DerekSheen) 
• The Weekend Pilots are at ( TheWeekendPilots.com) and on Twitter (@weekendpilots) and Facebook (Facebook.com/theweekendpilots ).  Download their self-titled album for free from their site.   

Other Joy

• Stories: Fake stroke, steal car and Framed photo  
• And: licky cop
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme (“Chee Zee Jungle”). 
• Last week we featured some uber-ambitious FTs: on Episode 49 - "Choke, Rattle and Roll" with Caleb Bacon 

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SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: ever positive rating for us - is a vote for freedom and judgement.)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FT action! We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US: 

Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our (coming eventually) newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg for additional weirdness!    

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  

(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

You really question your life when you find yourself envious of FTs... But these guys just have so much energy!  

They manage to commit several crimes in a very short period of time. And really bizarre, nonsensical ones at that.  Needless to say, the acts include nudity, theft, violence and feces.  No, wait - that did need to be said.

Caleb Bacon of "The Gentlemen's Club with Caleb Bacon" podcast brings his expertise to us as this week's Guest Judge.

But, who will he decide is the "FT of the Week"? 

Plus: Cure cancer the perverted fake doctor way! 

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---Information and Links ---

Guest 

• Find Caleb Bacon (Calebbacon.com) on Facebook (Facebook.com/calebbacon) and on Twitter (@CalebEatsBacon)
• The Gentlemen's Club is (GentlemensClubPodcast.com) and on Facebook (facebook.com/gentlemensclubpodcast and twitter (@gentlemens) 

Other Joy

• Stories: 11 felonies, Crash and Attack 
• And the new cancer cure.
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme (“Harlequin”).
•  I totally forgot who sent the story about Overachieveing FT #1. So sorry! Remind me and I will thank you next week.   
• Last week we learned about how to pick up gals while on the job... if you're a FT: Episode 48: "Look, If You're Going to Get All Irrational About My Junk" with Cort Webber and Fatboy "Bobby" Roberts of "Cort & Fatboy"

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SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: if you don't review us well - the FTs win!.)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FT action! We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg for additional weirdness!    

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  

(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Hey, work can be dull sometimes.

So why not make your day that much jazzier by conducting job interviews naked  or pulling people over for traffic violations and then showing them pics of your bits?

Add some nudity and unwanted sexual advances to your workday and you've done turned lemons into FTade!

We're fortunate that Cort and Fatboy are able to Guest Judge and provide the "FT of the Week" verdict.

Plus: A cheery, balanced gal on Twitter.

---Information and Links ---

Guest 

• "Cort and Fatboy"'s site is cortandfatboy.com and they're on Twitter @cortandfatboy)   
• Find Cort Webber on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/cort2) and on Twitter (@cortwebber)
• Find Bobby "Fatboy" Roberts on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/FatboyRoberts)  and on Twitter (@fatboyroberts) 

Other Joy

• Stories: Cop, Cafe Boss  
• Outro Music: The Clemence Mosley Consort ("Crooked House") From the album “MacGuffin”  (iTunes)  - Thank you! 
• Shout outs to: @fart who found that gem of a Twitter account, Eli Braden (@elibraden), who mentioned @fart when he spoke with Caleb Bacon (@calebeatsbacon on the Gentlemen's Club (that episode here). (And Eli Braden's episode on our show was #42 - "When You Friend an FT, You Friend for Life.) 
• The Panty Survey song (by The Weekend Pilots) that we refer to can be heard here and on our Episode  43  - You Stole My Heart, I Stole Your Phone with Joe Klocek - an episode which also features some classic pick-up attempts.
• And there's also some more random nudity news in our last show - Episode 47 "Dress for Success" with Brendan Bradley.  
  • SUBSCRIBE!
  • Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: if you don't review us well - the FTs win!.)
  • (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
  • We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

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GET MORE FT action! We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg for additional weirdness!    

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  

(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

How best to appear as though you've not committed a crime? 

Should you run shirtless through the woods and then say you were doing it for a wedding - or simply show up at your victim’s house wearing the very items you stole?

Absolutely! If you're a FT...

These contenders are so stunningly clueless – and we’re lucky to have actor and writer Brendan Bradley to decide our "FT of the Week”.

Plus: Math questions created by the brothers Grimm?

---Information and Links ---

Guest 

• Find Brendan Bradley: Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/brendanabradley), Twitter (@BrendanABradley), and at BrendanABradley.com.  Watch Brendan in Felicia Day/The Guild’s new video: "I'm the One That's Cool".  And check out his “Squadcast” podcast and webseries at SquattersTheSeries.com.     

Other Joy

• Stories: Woods, Clothing
• Trauma Math 
• Thanks for the Outro Music, "Mosquito", Mark Terry II and Jace Jope of RATNIKH (On YouTube )   
• We mention the questions we created for the online exam of cat beater - that was in Episode 40 - "FT Valentine. Deranged, Psycho Valentine" with the guys from Ear Candy (Adam Hiniker and Vance Barber). 
• Learn about how to make your finances and romantic life better - by robbing the gal who fancies you! On Episode 46 - "Can't Help Robbing That Girl of Mine" with Douglas Gale.  

• SUBSCRIBE!
• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: if you don't review us well - the FTs win!.)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FT action! We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg for additional weirdness!    

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  

(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Forget all you've learnt about financial acquisition! Eschew investing in property! 

The key to wealth (or at least a few thousand bucks) is to pursue a woman and then, eventually, take her stuff.  

Sure, it takes some effort but a FT has no shortage of energy.  Just logic.  

Comedian Douglas Gale joins to provide his verdict on the "FT of the Week".

Plus: we learn about moons, growing...and... brides.

---Links and Info:---

Guests 

• Find Douglas Gale: Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/hyphen.dot), Twitter (@DouglasWFail) (& Etsy (ShowerArt.net)  

• Stories: Rob her house, Take her car   
• Moons, Growing, Brides   
• Outro Music: The Clemence Mosley Consort, From the album “MacGuffin”  (iTunes)
• And the Delicious Mediocrity show with Monica is Episode 84.   
• Want to learn some fascinating alibis? Check out Episode 45 - "The Best Defense is a Good... Lie About Yogurt or Ghosts" with Chris Laker.

• SUBSCRIBE!
• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: a positive review for us will mean you'll be safe from any potential FT invasion!  Well, we can't promise - but we'll try to help.)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FTs! We post more weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll above)  
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

If you kill (or try to kill) someone and don't want to cop to it, you could always go with the old-stand-by: "It wasn't me". But as we've learned, FTs are nothing if not creative.

Why not use your urge for dairy products as an alibi or blame a ghost for the crime! The possibilities for FT lies are infinite!

We are thrilled to have Comedian Chris Laker on the show to lend his expertise in deciding the "FT of the Week".

Plus: we have a guy who has mastered both chewing and oral sex...

Links and Info:

• Find Chris Laker: at ChrisLaker.com, on Twitter (@chrislaker), at Douchechillz.com and on The New York City Crime Report with Pat Dixon. 
• Stories: Yogurt, Ghost.  
• Deep and meaningful oral sex instructional.
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme (“Professor and the Plant”).
• Hear more FT creativity in action in: "Episode 37" Door-to-door Sexman vs. Maternity Wear Pickup Artist" with Monica's mom.
• Robbery is hard! Discover just how hard in "Episode 44 - Buy Back Your Gun From Your Victims or Withdraw Money from the Bank You Just Tried to Rob" with Dave Ross?
 

• SUBSCRIBE!
• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: e a positive review for us will mean you'll be fully protected from rabid vaginas when they inevitably attack!)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FTs! We post more weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll above)  
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Robbery can be challenging. Firstly, there's all the planning that goes into it. And then, when things go wrong you have to have a back-up plan. Or else you must be able to think on the spot... 

And, of course, when you're an FT thinking might not be your strongest skill...   And you might decide to try to buy back your weapon from your intended victims or withdraw money from the bank you tried to rob just moments ago.  

Fortunately, comedian Dave Ross is able to give us some insight on these special guys and award the "FT of the Week".

Plus, we have a bouncy little ditty about being murdered!    

• Dave Ross info: He's @davetotheross on Twitter and he's also on Facebook. (http://www.facebook.com/davetotheross)
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme ( “VegasGlitz”).
• Want to know when's the best time to hit on a gal: before or after you rob her? Find out in Episode 43 - "You Stole My Heart, I Stole Your Phone" with Joe Klocek.    
  

• SUBSCRIBE!
• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: e a positive review for us will mean you'll be fully protected from rabid vaginas when they inevitably attack!)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FTs! We post more weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll above)  
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.)