The S&M Rants

(Note: Another unusual episode.  We usually have a Guest Judge deciding on our weirdos.  So, if you're listening for the first time, try starting with Episode 34, 29 or 35.)

Knife people for not wanting to see your boobs or get your elementary students to make cards for your jailbird boyfriend?  Sure, no one's killed or kidnapped or set fire to anything this time, but our contenders are still complete FTs nonetheless. 

Not the standard show today as our intended guest got sick and we must bear the burden of deciding the "FT of the week" ourselves.  

Plus:

• An Aussie man improvs a lady-focussed "erotic" fantasy
• (After our outro:) A man pleads for sex.  But not in the conventional way.  
• And draw your own perverted conclusions re: the new StumbleUpon logo. 

• Monica was on Delicious Mediocrity recently.  Listen to the episode here.
• Want balance? There are men doing stupid stuff in our last episode "My FT Valentine. Deranged, Psycho Valentine" with the guys from Ear Candy (Adam Hiniker and Vance Barber).   

• SUBSCRIBE!
• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: every positive review you give us makes us bolder and more powerful!)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  

We're on Stitcher Now: 

http://stitcher.com/listen.php?fid=19756 
So you can now listen anyway you darn well please! :)

GET MORE FTs! On:
Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". 
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.)

(A quick disclaimer here: I had to do a pretty quick edit on this episode due to time-constaints - so if it's your first time listening to the podcast, try starting with, say, Episode 34, 29 or 35.)

Stab yourself repeatedly over a customer service incident? Or concoct a murder-for-money scheme that involved electrocuting a cat? If you can't envision yourself doing either, then you're bound to be as completely baffled by our competitors and their plans as we are...  

And, so, to determine our "FT of the Week", we are grateful to have Bruce M Campbell who returns to lend his brilliance and wit to the show as our Guest Judge.

Plus: we have an erotic story that is neither erotic nor a story.  What it is, however, is completely WTF?! 

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• Follow Bruce Campbell on Twitter and Facebook. 
• Some other bad plans you might enjoy:  A woman who faked her rape to move to a better neighborhood (Episode 31 with Jay Larson and "The Lurker") and a man who had some unique ideas (like framing a bear) for how to murder his girlfriend (Episode 28 with Eric Fell).   

GET MORE FTs! On:
Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". 
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

This is a special bonus feature.  Happy New Year! Enjoy this uber-plausible Family Ties/Home Improvement erotica. 

And, if you care for more hideous pseudo-sexiness:

• In Episode 19: A disturbing J-Lo story 
• In Episode 13: A tale with a beret (how can that be awful?) 
• In Episode 10: This Backstreat Boys... novel... which was billed as an erotic story but contains no sex 
• One with a celeb and gorilla lust .... 
• Memoir of the Massive Man Missile.  A tremendously well-written tale. 

Subscribe, please! And rate/review us on iTunes (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here). 

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.  

Twitter: @rantmehard /
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants / 
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  / 
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )/ 
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) / 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

Because nothing brings two people closer than drama, dishonesty and FTedness!   Our esteemed Guest Judge is the fantastic comedian Jay Larson who uses his talent to crown our weekly FT winner.  He is joined by The Lurker... (Find out the identity of The Lurker by clicking here.)

And we learn how to talk dirty to a man from a wannabe Barry White.  

Buy Jay Larson's new album on iTunes or Amazon! 

And vote for your "favorite" FT(s) from this episode! (also below).

Who knew FTs could be so helpful?! They’re ready to show up at your door just to check your breasts and prepared to offer you a free massage via Facebook! They’s so cuddly!

As usual, we are stumped: how can we possibly decide who will wear the FT crown this week? We are honored to have Comedian Jackie Gold as our Guest Judge to help work through our “FT of The Week” conundrum! And we have a man talking dirty confusing.

Follow: Jackie Gold on Twitter (@iamjackiegold) and on Facebook 

Plus: You can now vote for the FTs!   (Below)

Subscribe on iTunes:   Rate us highly!  And please tell your inappropriate friends about us - the easy link to this site is: bit.ly/rantmehard 

Twitter: @rantmehard  / Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants  / New Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants  / Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us!  About whatever you like!  / Email: Monica (dot) Hamburg + SM (at) gmail.com / Shane: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) / Monica: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter) - Naw, we're not desperate for your attention... 

You have no one to blame for your own stupidity - except the Internet!

And, hey, look! It's the Lolcats font.  Dangerous 'companionship' has never been more uproarious.

Who wins at a Yahtzee game? The person who remains alive, obviously. Two EXTREME Yahtzee FTs compete for the FT of the Week title. Judged by Beth Snow. Monica rants about an imaginary insomnia affront and we lose our [fluff] by the end.