The S&M Rants

Making it on one job is next to impossible. That's why it's difficult to blame these guys for doing double (and triple-duty) - although they might have chosen their second job better.  This week, we have a man who spread the word of God, the ladies legs, and killed one of his parishioners. But is he more or less of a FT than a former murder, now a politician and cheesemaker, who posts an ad trying to have some people eaten?  

It's a mind-boggling choice - and that's why we're thrilled to have Sam Tripoli (of The Naughty Show) to help us crown the "FT of the Week".

Plus: Spam waxes poetic.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---Information and Links ---

• Find Sam Tripoli at Samtripoli.com on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/samtripoli) and on Twitter (@SamTripoli)
• "The Naughty Show" (Deathsquad.tv/?cat=22) is also Twitter (@NaughtyShow) and Facebook 
• "Punch Drunk" can be found at: Toadhopnetwork.com/f/Punch

Other Joy

• Stories: Pastor Love and Kill and Cheesy Murdering Politician 
• Outro Music: The Clemence Mosley Consort ("Crooked House") From the album “MacGuffin”  (iTunes)  - Thank you! 
• Another violent FT named Love was featured on: Episode 36 - "Those 10 Minutes of Freedom Were Pleasant But I'm Ready to Go Back" with Matt Koff.  
• Last week, we had two guys who required more training on the basics of criminal escapades... Episode 51 - "Call The Cops on Yourself or Arrange a Trade with Your Victims" - with Chris Gore.

 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: ever positive rating for us - is a vote for freedom and judgement.)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FT action! We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US: 

Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our (coming eventually) newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg for additional weirdness!    

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  

(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

You really question your life when you find yourself envious of FTs... But these guys just have so much energy!  

They manage to commit several crimes in a very short period of time. And really bizarre, nonsensical ones at that.  Needless to say, the acts include nudity, theft, violence and feces.  No, wait - that did need to be said.

Caleb Bacon of "The Gentlemen's Club with Caleb Bacon" podcast brings his expertise to us as this week's Guest Judge.

But, who will he decide is the "FT of the Week"? 

Plus: Cure cancer the perverted fake doctor way! 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---Information and Links ---

Guest 

• Find Caleb Bacon (Calebbacon.com) on Facebook (Facebook.com/calebbacon) and on Twitter (@CalebEatsBacon)
• The Gentlemen's Club is (GentlemensClubPodcast.com) and on Facebook (facebook.com/gentlemensclubpodcast and twitter (@gentlemens) 

Other Joy

• Stories: 11 felonies, Crash and Attack 
• And the new cancer cure.
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme (“Harlequin”).
•  I totally forgot who sent the story about Overachieveing FT #1. So sorry! Remind me and I will thank you next week.   
• Last week we learned about how to pick up gals while on the job... if you're a FT: Episode 48: "Look, If You're Going to Get All Irrational About My Junk" with Cort Webber and Fatboy "Bobby" Roberts of "Cort & Fatboy"

 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: if you don't review us well - the FTs win!.)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FT action! We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg for additional weirdness!    

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  

(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

When's a good time to hit on a gal: before or after you rob her?

Think neither sounds promising? Then you are not following the FT's Way!  When you're an FT anything goes!

We're grateful to have comedian Joe Klocek as our Guest Judge to determine our most recent "FT of the Week".

Plus, we have a testimonial about some hot, fictional sex. 

And, after the outro, a song ("Panty Survey") from The Weekend Pilots!   

• Joe Klocek info: He's on @standupjoe on Twitter as well as on Facebook. (http://www.facebook.com/standupjoe).
• The Weekend Pilots - Twitter and Facebook.  Download their self-titled album for free from their site.  
• Want to learn some more great romance techniques? Check out Episode 40 - "FT Valentine. Deranged, Psycho Valentine" with the guys from Ear Candy (Adam Hiniker and Vance Barber).   

• SUBSCRIBE!
• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: e a positive review for us will mean you'll be fully protected from rabid vaginas when they inevitably attack!)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FTs! We post more weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll above)  
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.)

Women! They're so difficult to understand!  How can one possibly gage what seduction technique will work on them?  That's why it's important to confuse the ladies by having a completely unique approach.  This week's FTs redefine original.  One gives gals the choice of magazines or sex while another dresses in women's maternity gear to woo.  Foolproof!   

Monica desperately needs help to determine our "FT of Week" and so her mom returns to judge the FTness. 

And: we have some sexual hypnosis for you...   _____________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

• Related creeps you might like:  A man who went door-to-door checking breasts (Episode 27 - "Doctor Fondler and the Facebook Oral Prankster!" with Jackie Gold)) and a guy who tried to seduce kids - in his own apartment building (Episode 24 -"Get Oiled, Get Licked, Get Arrested, Get Shot Up the A!" with Brian Brushwood)    
• And we refer to our Eastern European porn proposal which is in Episode 34 "What's the answer? Get Naked! What's the question? Who cares!" 

 ________________________________________________________________________________________ 

MORE INSANITY:
Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

So, you've been to jail.  That's pretty FTed in itself, but maybe you learned from the experience.  You're going to clean up your act, stay out of the slammer for the rest of your life.  Or you could commit a crime.  As soon as you get released. Right in the jail parking lot.  That's cool too... 

Vying for the title of "FT of the Week" we have a man who urinated and stole a car as he left the prison - and another guy who beat up his girlfriend, who had come to pick him up.   

We so desperately need help....  And we're grateful to have the wisdom of our awesome Guest Judge, Matt Koff who assists in sorting out the FTness. 

And we have another instance of condiment fury...  _____________________________________ 

• Matt Koff is also on Twitter (@matt_koff)  
• Haven't heard last week's episode (#35)? It has a special woman incensed over her a condiment slight...    
• I refer to two of my favorite podcasts in this episode, Distorted View and The New York City Crime Report with Pat Dixon (@nyccrimereport)
   

MORE INSANITY:
Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You don't get enough condiments with your burger order.  Or they raised the prices on your favorite fast-food meal.  Sure, you could just discuss your issue or accept the increase - but what would be the fun in that? Why not add some prison time to your frustration by going all "Falling Down" on them?   

We're stumped by the FTedness of these foodies.  Thankfully, Tom Reynolds and Tim Daniels of "The Complete Guide to Everything  are here to give us their sage judgement and determine our "FT of the Week". 

And we meet a very considerate family member. 

----------------------------------

• The Complete Guide for Everything is at tcgte.com and on Facebook  and Twitter (@complete guide).
• Find: Tom Reynolds on (@tomreynolds) and Tim Daniels (@yourpaltim).  
• Please vote for your choice for "FT of the Week" (Use the poll, comment, twitter us, Facebook us, email us etc.  Info and links below.) 
• More fast food irrationality can be found on Episode 26 "No Meat Equals Murder" where we talk about a man who's lack of meat... made him crazy! 

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.  

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants /
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

Did you know that showing your goods to someone else can improve your life?  What would you say if I told you that touching yourself would improve your vocal range?  Or that using sex toys in front of your doctor would help you feel better about your body? Would you say, "That sounds reasonable"?  Sure you would.

Trying to figure out the biggest FT of these is taking way too much out of us.  So we turn our Guest Judge, the great Glen Tickle of "Pretending to be on TV" who helps us determine our "FT of the Week". 

And: Monica reads a subtle, realistic script...
 

---

• Watch Glen's show PretendingtoBeonTV.com which seems to not be on television.  Follow Glen on Twitter (@glentickle) and his show on Facebook. 
• Please vote for your choice for "FT of the Week" (Use the poll, comment, twitter us, Facebook us, email us etc.  Links below.)
   
• And if you're wondering where to find the "house-call doctor" we refer to in this episode, that's in #27 "Doctor Fondler and the Facebook Oral Prankster!". 

This is a special bonus feature.  Happy New Year! Enjoy this uber-plausible Family Ties/Home Improvement erotica. 

And, if you care for more hideous pseudo-sexiness:

• In Episode 19: A disturbing J-Lo story 
• In Episode 13: A tale with a beret (how can that be awful?) 
• In Episode 10: This Backstreat Boys... novel... which was billed as an erotic story but contains no sex 
• One with a celeb and gorilla lust .... 
• Memoir of the Massive Man Missile.  A tremendously well-written tale. 

Subscribe, please! And rate/review us on iTunes (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here). 

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.  

Twitter: @rantmehard /
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants / 
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  / 
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )/ 
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) / 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

So you killed someone with your car or are shacked up with a 13 year old...  You need to keep this secret in the bag.  But sometimes circumstances just don't allow for that.  Especially when you're an FT.  

Lovely Guest Judge & Comedian Riel Hahn joins us to met out justice this time and help us crown the most recent "FT of the Week".  (Find Riel on Facebook, Twitter and her blog.) 

And: we tell you who you chose as last week's "FT of the Week".  Plus: a very linear blog comment... 

So many good options for people you can sue!  How about your kidnap victims for turning you in?  They, like, totally promised they wouldn't!  Or the parents of the suicidal man you happened to run over? They probably have some energy to spare!  It's more suey-suey FTs on this episode of "The S&M Rants".   Who's more deserving of the "FT of the Week" title?  Imagine the pain of our Guest Judges, “AAlgar” and Matt Rowbotham  from "Sarcastic Voyage" as they help us crown the winner...     

Plus: Learn the tell-tale sign that you're going to get robbed by a Craiglist date.  

And: Monica re-records the dollar value of the lawsuit in the first story ("$235,000") as she made no sense whatsoever in the original take and didn't realize it until editing. Yeah, you might just notice this correction.    

Big thanks to Brian Everidge (@pisquar) for sending us the Craigslist story and suggesting our wonderful guests.  Everyone: Be more like Brian! ;)  Email us or Twitter us with weird stuff, guest suggestions and/or feedback (contact details below).

Vote for your "favorite" FT(s) from this episode! (also below) 

Follow @aalgar and @robotmatt on Twitter. 

Subscribe, please! And rate us. Use any podcast service etc. (feed is here)  including  iTunes  - and please tell your inappropriate friends about us. Our site is now:rantmehard.com

Twitter: @rantmehard / Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants / New Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants  / Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  / Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com ) / Shane: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) / Monica: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)