The S&M Rants

Things that might push you over the edge: Getting fired, your partner breaking up with you, a cat urinating on your computer, arguing about how much sex you have.  Wait, what were those last two?  

This week's FTs are a baffling bunch - and the extra weirdness in the articles doesn't help things any... 

So we are most grateful to Comedian Matt Davis who lends us his wit and brilliance to decide our "FT of the Week".

Plus: Spasmodic film descriptions. 

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---Information and Links ---

• Find Matt Davis at DavisComedy.com, on Facebook (Facebook.com/ComedianMattDavis) and on Twitter (@mattdavis) 
• My "bad girl" comment refers to Matt's very amusing post: "Yes, I like bad girls, Facebook. Now stop it."    

Other Joy

• Stories: violence incited by Cat Pee and Sex Talk (should the cat pee link not work here are the exceptional pics.)
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme (“Bicycle”).  He has lots of cool royalty-free music, so check it out. 
• Wonder about other FTed things that inspired violent acts...? You'll learn just how dangerous a Facebook unfriending can be on Episode 42 - "When you Friend an FT, You Friend for Life"" with Eli Braden.
• Last week, we featured... well the title sums up the prime FTery on display: "Episode 52 A Loving Pastor and Killer vs. A Cheesemaking Murderer and Politician!" - with Sam Tripoli.
• And Derek Sheen's Kickstarter project is at: http://kck.st/dereksheen.  Actually, less than 5 days to go! Make a pledge!  (Derek's episode with us is #50, btw.)

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SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: ever positive rating for us - is a vote for freedom and judgement.)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FT action! We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US: 

Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our (coming eventually) newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg for additional weirdness!    

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  

(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Making it on one job is next to impossible. That's why it's difficult to blame these guys for doing double (and triple-duty) - although they might have chosen their second job better.  This week, we have a man who spread the word of God, the ladies legs, and killed one of his parishioners. But is he more or less of a FT than a former murder, now a politician and cheesemaker, who posts an ad trying to have some people eaten?  

It's a mind-boggling choice - and that's why we're thrilled to have Sam Tripoli (of The Naughty Show) to help us crown the "FT of the Week".

Plus: Spam waxes poetic.

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---Information and Links ---

• Find Sam Tripoli at Samtripoli.com on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/samtripoli) and on Twitter (@SamTripoli)
• "The Naughty Show" (Deathsquad.tv/?cat=22) is also Twitter (@NaughtyShow) and Facebook 
• "Punch Drunk" can be found at: Toadhopnetwork.com/f/Punch

Other Joy

• Stories: Pastor Love and Kill and Cheesy Murdering Politician 
• Outro Music: The Clemence Mosley Consort ("Crooked House") From the album “MacGuffin”  (iTunes)  - Thank you! 
• Another violent FT named Love was featured on: Episode 36 - "Those 10 Minutes of Freedom Were Pleasant But I'm Ready to Go Back" with Matt Koff.  
• Last week, we had two guys who required more training on the basics of criminal escapades... Episode 51 - "Call The Cops on Yourself or Arrange a Trade with Your Victims" - with Chris Gore.

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SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: ever positive rating for us - is a vote for freedom and judgement.)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FT action! We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US: 

Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our (coming eventually) newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg for additional weirdness!    

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  

(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Two more rules (for our Continuing Ed course on "Crime 101"): Don't call the cops on yourself, and assume that your victims won't be enthused about making a trade with you...

If this information surprises you - you may just be a FT!

Our Guest Judge this week is Comedian Chris Gore (of PodCRASH and many other things) and we could not be more relieved to have him sort out the FTedness for our "FT of the Week"!

Plus: a "straight", quick erotic story.  

And, after the outro, we have a fun ringtone for you...

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---Information and Links ---

• Find Chris Gore at ChrisGore.com, on Facebook (personal: Facebook.com/ThatChrisGore, page: http://www.facebook.com/ILikeChrisGore), and on Twitter (@ThatChrisGore) 
• Chris' podcast is PodCRASH! 
• His new stop-motion animated comedy series (about dolls who work at a dungeon) is FetishVIL (FetishVil.com/) (Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/FetishVIL, Twitter: (@FetishVIL) 

Other Joy

• Stories: Fire call and Trade 
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme (“Harlequin”). 
• The ringtone music (after outro) uses this sound from Freesound.org: "Dance Synth" by usinggarageband (Freesound.org/people/usinggarageband)  (Find the tone on our "Ringtone" page)
• Wondering what our intro - and the ringtone music is all about?  You'll find out on last week's (special and longer) episode: "Episode 50 - Such Photographic FTs" with Derek Sheen. 
• We featured a story about a man trying to get his gun back from his victims on Episode 44 - Buy Back Your Gun From Your Victims or Withdraw Money from the Bank You Just Tried to Rob? 

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SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: ever positive rating for us - is a vote for freedom and judgement.)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FT action! We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US: 

Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our (coming eventually) newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg for additional weirdness!    

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  

(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

How best to appear as though you've not committed a crime? 

Should you run shirtless through the woods and then say you were doing it for a wedding - or simply show up at your victim’s house wearing the very items you stole?

Absolutely! If you're a FT...

These contenders are so stunningly clueless – and we’re lucky to have actor and writer Brendan Bradley to decide our "FT of the Week”.

Plus: Math questions created by the brothers Grimm?

---Information and Links ---

Guest 

• Find Brendan Bradley: Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/brendanabradley), Twitter (@BrendanABradley), and at BrendanABradley.com.  Watch Brendan in Felicia Day/The Guild’s new video: "I'm the One That's Cool".  And check out his “Squadcast” podcast and webseries at SquattersTheSeries.com.     

Other Joy

• Stories: Woods, Clothing
• Trauma Math 
• Thanks for the Outro Music, "Mosquito", Mark Terry II and Jace Jope of RATNIKH (On YouTube )   
• We mention the questions we created for the online exam of cat beater - that was in Episode 40 - "FT Valentine. Deranged, Psycho Valentine" with the guys from Ear Candy (Adam Hiniker and Vance Barber). 
• Learn about how to make your finances and romantic life better - by robbing the gal who fancies you! On Episode 46 - "Can't Help Robbing That Girl of Mine" with Douglas Gale.  

• SUBSCRIBE!
• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: if you don't review us well - the FTs win!.)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FT action! We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg for additional weirdness!    

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  

(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Forget all you've learnt about financial acquisition! Eschew investing in property! 

The key to wealth (or at least a few thousand bucks) is to pursue a woman and then, eventually, take her stuff.  

Sure, it takes some effort but a FT has no shortage of energy.  Just logic.  

Comedian Douglas Gale joins to provide his verdict on the "FT of the Week".

Plus: we learn about moons, growing...and... brides.

---Links and Info:---

Guests 

• Find Douglas Gale: Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/hyphen.dot), Twitter (@DouglasWFail) (& Etsy (ShowerArt.net)  

• Stories: Rob her house, Take her car   
• Moons, Growing, Brides   
• Outro Music: The Clemence Mosley Consort, From the album “MacGuffin”  (iTunes)
• And the Delicious Mediocrity show with Monica is Episode 84.   
• Want to learn some fascinating alibis? Check out Episode 45 - "The Best Defense is a Good... Lie About Yogurt or Ghosts" with Chris Laker.

• SUBSCRIBE!
• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: a positive review for us will mean you'll be safe from any potential FT invasion!  Well, we can't promise - but we'll try to help.)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FTs! We post more weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll above)  
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Robbery can be challenging. Firstly, there's all the planning that goes into it. And then, when things go wrong you have to have a back-up plan. Or else you must be able to think on the spot... 

And, of course, when you're an FT thinking might not be your strongest skill...   And you might decide to try to buy back your weapon from your intended victims or withdraw money from the bank you tried to rob just moments ago.  

Fortunately, comedian Dave Ross is able to give us some insight on these special guys and award the "FT of the Week".

Plus, we have a bouncy little ditty about being murdered!    

• Dave Ross info: He's @davetotheross on Twitter and he's also on Facebook. (http://www.facebook.com/davetotheross)
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme ( “VegasGlitz”).
• Want to know when's the best time to hit on a gal: before or after you rob her? Find out in Episode 43 - "You Stole My Heart, I Stole Your Phone" with Joe Klocek.    
  

• SUBSCRIBE!
• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: e a positive review for us will mean you'll be fully protected from rabid vaginas when they inevitably attack!)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FTs! We post more weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll above)  
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

When's a good time to hit on a gal: before or after you rob her?

Think neither sounds promising? Then you are not following the FT's Way!  When you're an FT anything goes!

We're grateful to have comedian Joe Klocek as our Guest Judge to determine our most recent "FT of the Week".

Plus, we have a testimonial about some hot, fictional sex. 

And, after the outro, a song ("Panty Survey") from The Weekend Pilots!   

• Joe Klocek info: He's on @standupjoe on Twitter as well as on Facebook. (http://www.facebook.com/standupjoe).
• The Weekend Pilots - Twitter and Facebook.  Download their self-titled album for free from their site.  
• Want to learn some more great romance techniques? Check out Episode 40 - "FT Valentine. Deranged, Psycho Valentine" with the guys from Ear Candy (Adam Hiniker and Vance Barber).   

• SUBSCRIBE!
• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: e a positive review for us will mean you'll be fully protected from rabid vaginas when they inevitably attack!)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FTs! We post more weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll above)  
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.)

How do you right a wrong?! How will you avenge an insult as strong, as brutal, as soul-destroying as... a Facebook Unfriending?

Why, murder or arson, of course!
That is, if you're an FT.

Some baffling idiocy on display here so we are most grateful to have Eli Braden as our Guest Judge to determine our "FT of the Week".

Plus we learn how to enlarge our breasts...  

And (after the outro) Eli's song: "White People Problems". 

• Eli Braden info: He's on @elibraden on Twitter and on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/elibraden) and his album: "The New King of Comedy-Based Music" is available on iTunes   
• There's more Facebook related idiocy on Episode 25 "Facebook, FTs, Faceplant" - where we learn of what happens when you don't like your husband's status or when you try to friend your victim - with the Greg Vance and Ryan Downing from "Stupid Wankers". 

• SUBSCRIBE!
• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: e a positive review for us will mean you'll be fully protected from rabid vaginas when they inevitably attack!)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FTs! We post more weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll above)  
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.)

(Note: Another unusual episode.  We usually have a Guest Judge deciding on our weirdos.  So, if you're listening for the first time, try starting with Episode 34, 29 or 35.)

Knife people for not wanting to see your boobs or get your elementary students to make cards for your jailbird boyfriend?  Sure, no one's killed or kidnapped or set fire to anything this time, but our contenders are still complete FTs nonetheless. 

Not the standard show today as our intended guest got sick and we must bear the burden of deciding the "FT of the week" ourselves.  

Plus:

• An Aussie man improvs a lady-focussed "erotic" fantasy
• (After our outro:) A man pleads for sex.  But not in the conventional way.  
• And draw your own perverted conclusions re: the new StumbleUpon logo. 

• Monica was on Delicious Mediocrity recently.  Listen to the episode here.
• Want balance? There are men doing stupid stuff in our last episode "My FT Valentine. Deranged, Psycho Valentine" with the guys from Ear Candy (Adam Hiniker and Vance Barber).   

• SUBSCRIBE!
• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: every positive review you give us makes us bolder and more powerful!)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  

We're on Stitcher Now: 

http://stitcher.com/listen.php?fid=19756 
So you can now listen anyway you darn well please! :)

GET MORE FTs! On:
Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". 
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.)

Update: Originally the feed picked up only the *ringtone* for this episode - it should have the full episode (33 minutes+) there now.

--Show Description:--

How shall you win your love back?  What plan will get her back in your arms forever? You can't say you've tried everything unless you've burned down her brother's property or staged beng kidnapped by a gang!

Tip: in the world of FTs you are awarded bonus points for originality and drama! 

We're excited to have Adam Hiniker and Vance Barber from the Ear Candy podcast as our Guest Judges for this episode, to analyse these specimens and determine our "FT of the Week".

Plus: A man fails his exam because of a cat. (Who hasn't been there...) 

And we have your new ringtone...  

• Follow Ear Candy  on Twitter (@earcandynewyork) and Facebook.  (Vance Barber's also on Twitter as @vancejbarber)
• There's more bad romance on Episode 29 "Better Relationships Through Arrests and the KKK!" with Alex Falcone and Ezra Fox of "Read it and Weep". 

• SUBSCRIBE!
• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: every positive review you give us makes us bolder and more powerful!)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  

We're on Stitcher Now: 

http://stitcher.com/listen.php?fid=19756 
So you can now listen anyway you darn well please! :)

GET MORE FTs! On:
Twitter: @rantmehard 
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants 

CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". 
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.)